Life Coach Ramblings

This is Part 2 of a 7-part series where I’m pulling apart the structure of a coaching conversation. My aim is to give you a feel for the process so you know what to expect, and also why each step matters.

In this post, we’ll look at what happens in the first few minutes of a session: the check-in and setting the agreement. These two simple steps set the foundation for everything that follows.

The Check-In: Grounding in the Present

Coaching isn’t just talking. It’s a way of learning that sparks self-discovery, builds awareness, and helps you grow into your goals. But none of that works if your mind is tangled up in the rest of your day.

And let’s be honest, you never arrive at a session with a blank slate. By the time we meet, you’ve already been moving through your day, a swarm of thought gremlins hitching a ride in your mind. Some are loud (“I really need to respond to these texts now!”), some are sneaky (“That barista said ‘have a nice day’ weirdly. Was that sarcasm?”), and some are just buzzing aimlessly in the background (“Maybe I should learn the ukulele…”).

Starting with a check-in is our pause button. A moment to notice how you’re arriving, shake off the gremlins, and land in the conversation.

A check-in might sound simple, but here’s what it does for the session:

• It creates presence. You step out of the noise and into a space that’s just for you.
• It builds awareness. Naming how you’re showing up (“tired,” “energized,” “distracted”) brings instant clarity.
• It sets the tone. We can meet each other where we really are, not where we assume we are.
• It opens connection. It’s a reminder that this isn’t just about fixing problems, it’s about you.
• It clears the air. If something’s weighing on you, naming it stops it from quietly hogging your attention.
• It helps us calibrate. Some days you’re ready to be challenged, other days, you need more space to breathe. Checking in tells us which kind of session today calls for.

Setting the Agreement: Choosing a Direction

Once we’ve shaken off the gremlins and landed in the session, the next step is to decide where we’re headed. Coaching isn’t an aimless chat. It works best when we choose a focus for this conversation.

It’s like picking a trail before a hike. We don’t need to know every twist and turn, but we do need to know where we’re starting.

To make that clear, I like to use the TOMS framework (No, not the shoe brand. They have nothing to do with this):

• Topic: What do you want to explore today?
• Outcome: What do you want to walk away with?
• Meaning: What makes this important to you right now?
• Success measure: How will you know we’ve gotten where you wanted to go?

Here’s how that might sound:
Client: “I want to talk about balancing work and family.”

• Topic → Work-life balance
• Outcome → “I’d like to leave with one concrete strategy to try.”
• Meaning → “Because I don’t want my family to only get the leftover scraps of my energy at the end of the day.”
• Success measure → “I’ll know we’ve gotten there if I leave with a step that feels doable.”

It’s simple, but spoiler alert: just because we set an agreement doesn’t necessarily mean we’ll stick to it word-for-word.

Expect the Unexpected

Coaching sessions often take unexpected turns, even when we’ve set a clear agreement. But this isn’t a bad thing. The unexpected turns are usually where the magic happens.

The agreement gives us a compass, but as we explore, new insights tend to surface. Sometimes the issue you thought you wanted to focus on reveals a deeper layer, or something else entirely that feels more urgent. That’s the nature of exploration.

If I notice we’re veering away from the original topic, I’ll call it out and check in with you. From there, you decide: do we follow the new thread, or circle back to the starting point? Either way, the choice is yours. My job is to hold the agenda with open hands, not to grip it tightly with clenched fingers.

The point of setting the agreement isn’t to stick rigidly to a plan, it’s to create the conditions for discovery. And more often than not, the most meaningful breakthroughs happen in the detours.

To Sum It All Up…

The check-in grounds you in the present. The agreement gives us direction. And then the session itself is where structure meets openness and focus meets curiosity.

We begin with clarity, but we stay ready to follow what matters most in the moment. Because in coaching, the real growth often shows up where you least expect it.

What’s Next

In the next post, I’ll be taking a closer look at exploring the topic, and how curiosity and good questions open up new ways of seeing.